Well y’all, another soulmate sunday in the books. I look forward to Sundays for a few reasons…getting my perfect children ready for church (because its totally the easiest thing in the world to do this) church itself, laid back afternoons, eating anything bad I can find because I know on Monday I have to eat healthy again, you know…the usual things…but I totally look forward to this day also because of soulmate Sundays! I know they are short and sweet videos right now, but I have some fun plans for them in the future:) So, in honor of yesterdays video (head to ourhouse_onthehill instagram to see it) I wanted to write an extension of what we both talked about.
The topic was “If you could do one thing differently over the last almost 11 years, what would it be?” My husbands response was that he would be less selfish. To be totally honest I was a little shocked by his response because if I had answered for him, I would have said something totally different. Haha! Thats terrible! I’m sure he had some selfish moments throughout these last several years, but I truly, truly think he lives to serve me as his wife. I would never describe any part of him as selfish. And I’m not even saying that to make us look good, I really mean it!:)
I remember on our wedding day, a part of his vows was washing my feet. Some of you may be thinking that sounds totally weird and gross. I was just grateful I had just gotten a fresh pedicure and my feet weren’t looking ratchet as usual! But he washed my feet as a symbol of being a husband who will serve his wife as long as he lives. It was really beautiful. And emotional. And beautiful. Now, has he been perfect at serving me throughout our marriage? No. And neither have I. But I don’t believe the beauty of marriage is having a perfect one. I think the beauty of marriage is making a commitment to keep trying, to keep growing, and to keep getting better. And that’s something I love about my husband, is his commitment to not just me, but his commitment to making himself better. I could write a million pages on what I love about him, but I’m going to do my best to stick to the topic for today! According to him, he may have been selfish more early on in our marriage. But seeing where he is now, he is the most selfless person I know. He lives to serve me and our family. And again, there are moments, days even, where he misses the mark. But he is committed to getting better every single day. And for that, I am forever grateful.
Now for my response……oh boy, I could write a book on what I said. My response to that question was that I would live less offended. What do I mean by that? Well, let allow me the next three hours to explain:) I am a pretty carefree person. I love spontaneity. I love doing things outside of the box. It takes a lot of get me frustrated or upset. Well, it takes a lot for anyone other than my husband to make me frustrated or upset:) I’m not easily offended. Truly. But for some reason, with my husband, I’m a different person sometimes! Can anyone relate? I think for the first few years of our marriage I just developed this totally unrealistic expectation for my husband. I just expected that our lives were going to look like the fairtytale movies where the man is just so head over heels in love with the woman…like, she can do no wrong, and he just bathes her in words of love and adoration all day every day. But if you’ve been married or even just in a relationship with someone, you know after the first few months that this doesn’t exist. Because the truth is, we are all human. We are going to say things and do things that aren’t always kind and loving and endearing. Sometimes we are selfish, hurtful, and offensive. But when I finally evaluated myself, several years into our marriage, I realized that I take everything, and I mean everything, offensively when it comes to my husband.
I went to coffee with a friend one morning years ago, and we started talking about our marriages. I don’t remember what question I asked exactly, but something along the lines of “why does it seem like yalls relationship is just easy?” And I will never forget her response. She told me it’s not that it’s easy, she just decided one day to stop being easily offended and to take a more laid back approach at her marriage. And she told me it naturally just made things easier because she wasn’t so uptight and upset all of the time, and they were able to just enjoy one another and have fun. Mind blowing right? Well, my mind was blown! So I left that day determined to be different and to better myself in that area. I feel like I’m a pretty fun person, and my husband and I have a lot of fun together, but marriage just gets heavy when you live from a place of offense and when you are constantly uptight about everything. And that was me. And I didn’t want that for him, for myself, or for us!
That was one of those simple pieces of advice that if you choose to take it, not just hear it, but actually apply it, it can change your life. And for me, this changed everything. Again, I’d like to emphasize that we are in no way perfect. We have arguments, we don’t always agree, and we get frustrated with each other at times. Over time though, we have learned the importance of growing as a couple and growing as individuals. It’s not that I’m never offended by anything anymore, and I’m incredibly laid back and nothing bothers me. That’s unrealistic. I have just chosen to approach life and my marriage with a less offended approach. I am a huge believer in enjoying life together. And if everything makes you uptight, if everything bothers you, if everything offends you, it makes it really hard to enjoy one another. And I really, really desire for our marriage and our lives to be enjoyable.
So my encouragement to you today is this. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Try not to make an issue out of everything. Remember, you got married to be “for” one another, not against each other. Next to your relationship with God, I believe marriage is the most important relationship on this earth that you will ever have so do whatever it takes to make it great.
Have a great day!